The camera now adds only 3 pounds (but you are still responsible for the other 268)

I thought it was a joke when I first read about this on Consumerist, but nay: HP is betting that enough XXL Americans will place their hopes on another quick-fix solution. Introducing the “Slimming Photos” effect on select HP digital cameras. Just look at how effective it is.

Do they really look better? Between the green jumper and khaki pants, it’s a tough call.

And forget about the photos, what about real-life impressions? Family, friends, and potential paramours will think, “Gosh, Jenny has really slimmed down. She looks good [even though she should ditch that green jumper].” And then she’ll meet up with them for coffee in all her Rubenesque glory and barely register that micro-second look of disappointment on their faces; but it will linger, unidentified, in the back of her mind until she goes home feeling a heavy sadness, for which she is unable to identify the source until it eats away at her late into the night, driving her to gorge on crisps and sugary carbs stashed behind those cans of white albacore tuna and Campbell’s soup, putting her right back into the dilemma for which she originally came to purchase this “slimming effects” camera from HP. Wouldn’t it be wiser and more cost-effective to just eat healthily whilst getting a bit of exercise? Or, just use Photoshop.

I tried the slimming effect for our Chinese Gen XXL friend featured recently in The Guardian:

Before “slimming effect”

After “slimming effect”

I’m afraid he’d better dust off those dancing shoes.