a little bit of knowledge will destroy you Ensuing Hijinks: a little bit of knowledge will destroy you: March 2007

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Underground Skiing

Okay, forget the slides at the Tate! There's a new phenomenon in the London Underground: urban skiing.



In other news, Diego Maradona is getting fat again. Apparently, gastric bypass surgery in 2005 wasn't enough. The British have politely called it "over indulgence."

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Kiwi

Monday, March 26, 2007

Da Bomb

Continuing the theme of VW commercials:



(I particularly like the man at the table to the left; he glances back after barely registering a noise behind him)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A Visit to the Doctor (in 3 Acts)

I know: you want more details on the Fabregas meeting and my date at the Tate. But I am still jetlagged and adjusting to New Yorkjust in time to leave again. I fly south tomorrow.

Today I went to the eye doctor for my third visit in the contact lens study. It’s the first time I’ve gone on a week day, and Dr. Lee (the Asian female doctor who wears too much eye make-up) was absent. I met the senior doctor, head of the research study. He is British. I’ll call him Dr. P. Events unfolded in three acts.

Act I

After taking the usual preliminary vision tests with the research underlings, I sat in the lobby reading Brilliant Orange: the neurotic genius of Dutch football. Dr. P. walked into the room and greeted me gruffly. We barely made eye contact. He did not seem very friendly. I had observed his interaction with a previous patient; it bore the weight of obligation. My thoughts turned to dinner plans: perhaps a Vietnamese sandwich after the gym.

“So this is your third visit and yet I’ve never met you?” he asked as we walked down the hallway to the examination room. “Yes, I’ve been traveling and could only come in on the weekends.” I told him I had just returned from London.

Dr: London? On holiday?
Me: Yes, I had a lovely time. I looked at art, tried some fantastic restaurants, and watched a football game at Emirates. I even met an Arsenal player.
Dr: Which one?
Me: Fabregas.
Dr: Now what was the name of the original park? Anfield?
Me: No, that’s Liverpool.
Dr [somewhat prickly]: Yes, I know. Didn’t it start with an “I”? It’s going to drive me mad figuring it out.
Me: Well, the area is very nice. I had breakfast in Islington yesterday morning. The food in England has come a long way.
Dr: Oh? So it was a very recent trip. The food has progressed. I went to Manchester last fall to visit my son, and even there the restaurants were good.
Me [slightly grimacing]: Oh, are you a Man. U. fan then?
Dr: No, no. When do you come back next week?
Me: Next Monday evening.
Dr: Highbury! That’s it.

I put in the new contacts and left the room for more testing with the research assistants.

Act II

I returned for the second examination with Dr. P. This time I brought Brilliant Orange with me.

Dr: You can’t put it down, can you?
Me: No, it’s a very good book. [shows cover]
Dr: I guess you’re a bit of a fan? [laughs]
Me: Slightly. I got into it in the past year or so. This book is out of print in the States so I had to buy it in the UK.
Dr [smiles]: You’re not from here, are you? This is a very unusual conversation to be having in America.
Me: I know.
Dr: So you’re an Arsenal fan?
Me: Yes. I even went to the Gunners pub on Blackstock road to watch the game on Sunday.
Dr: How was that?
Me: It was nice to be there, but Arsenal lost. To Everton! [frowning]
Dr: I like Arsenal as well, although I don’t know who’s on the team anymore. I used to follow them years ago.
Me [smiling broadly]: Oh really?
Dr: Yes. So how do the new contacts feel?
Me [flatly]: They’re all right.
Dr [laughing]: You’re incredibly convincing!
Me: My one weakness: I’m no good at lying.
Dr: So you read a lot?
Me: When I get a moment, I try.
Dr: Yes, if you’re clutching books like that, I’m not surprised. My second home is Barnes & Noble.
Me: Oh really? What do you like to read?
Dr: Mysteries and mindless stuff. I suppose I should read more challenging books, but I like them.

I left the room to fill out questionnaires and undergo additional testing. I returned for the final examination.

Act III

Dr. P. instructed me to lean forward to look through the viewfinder. As he stood up to adjust the mechanism, all I could see through the lenses was his tie. It had figures playing cricket. Dr. P. sat down.

Me: That’s not a cricket tie, is it?
Dr [laughs]: Why yes, it is! Don’t tell me you know about cricket, too.
Me: Not as much as football, no. Have you been watching the World Cup then?
Dr: Well, not watching. But I do follow it. You’re the first person to notice that it’s a cricket tie.
Me: So you must’ve been surprised by the quick exits of Pakistan and India?
Dr [laughs]: You really are knowledgeable, aren’t you? You can’t be American.
Me: But I am American.
Dr: It’s not common to have a conversation like this with an American. They tend not to know much. Did you follow the cricket news whilst you were in London?
Me: Yes, I had been watching sports news.
Dr: Ah.
Me: But I followed the Ashes last year as well.
Dr: What! You followed the Ashes? Now tell me: do you have a boyfriend who was making you watch these things?
Me: Not at all. I read The Guardian daily, so I started following the coverage and found it interesting. The time I was in England two years ago I happened upon a cricket game in the park and liked watching it. But I don’t know much about it, and the rules seem confusing.
Dr: Well, it’s probably more of a cultural thing. If you grow up watching it, you have the foundation. But it’s not too complicated once you know the basics. Now what are you doing reading The Guardian daily?
Me: It’s my favorite newspaper. I prefer the coverage, and enjoy the irreverent pieces it dares to publish. You’d never get that in the Times.
Dr: Yes, you can get comfortable with a paper’s tone, and it’s one of the few non-Murdoch papers left.

The examination portion had ended and I gathered my belongings. I put on my glasses and walked back to the lobby. Dr. P. asked me to wait five minutes to make sure everything was complete before I left. He returned and announced that I was free to leave. Then, in front of everybody, he said, “I’m very, very impressed with your knowledge.” I laughed and left the office on a natural high.

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Great Pretender

Last night whilst watching Father Ted and World Cup cricket and football highlights, I saw an advertisement that captured my attention completely:



And now, breakfast in Islington...

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

Fly Emirates

Today I met a cute and talented Spaniard: Cesc Fabregas. Indeed, a lot more has happened.

After parting ways with the Germans yesterday, I decided to take advantage of the nice weather in Hyde Park. But first I stopped at a bookstore to pick up Brilliant Orange (the store had eight copies). My approach has been relatively simple: in nice weather, take advantage of the outdoors, and when not, visit the many museums and shops around town. In between, always try a new restaurant.

When I arrived at Knightsbridge, though, clouds loomed above and the wind chilled the air. So I went to Harrod’s instead. I wandered quickly through the “Rooms of Luxury” on the ground floor, passed the women’s fashions (the exchange rate is cruel), and accidentally went up to the fifth floor sports and leisure department.

Lo and behold! I saw an inconspicuous sign announcing that Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas would be in the store on Thursday to meet customers and sign merchandise. I couldn’t believe my luck. Furthermore, none of the shoppers seemed to notice or care. Talk about wrong clientele for football: society women from Notting Hill and Kensington. I grabbed some jerseys and tried them on in the fitting room. I settled for a classic red and white jersey in a Boys size (Generation XXL has reached the UK, too).

Then I bombarded the clerk with questions: What time should I arrive in order to be first in the queue? How many people did he expect? Has Harrod’s ever done anything like this with other Arsenal or Premiership players before? Which jersey would be best for signing? Are photos allowed? How far in advance does Harrod’s book these events? Where is it advertised, other than the store? He gave me a quizzical look and seemed to scrutinize me more closely as time wore on, but he answered my questions (for inquiring minds, here are the answers in order: one hour before scheduled appearance; he didn’t know; no other Arsenal players, but Harrod’s has had events with rugby and cricket players recentlywas I interested in either sport?; red would be fine; photos are permissible; it depends; the Web site and in store).

I bounded out of the store with my brand new jersey, wrapped in plastic, tucked away in a green Harrod’s bag. I decided to walk towards Sloane Square in search of the Saatchi Gallery, which still appeared on my map, even though I was certain it no longer existed following the huge sell-off of artwork. The rumor proved true, so I took the Tube to Pimlico station and found the Tate Britain.

The museum, like many other British art spaces, has free admission. It was practically empty by the time I arrived. I walked through the contemporary art section. My favorite was Tim Head’s “Displacements” in Room 31. It uses a mix of projected images and real objects within the room to play with your sense of reality and time.

I walked into the adjoining St. Martin’s Sculpture (She studied sculpture at St. Martin's College) Department room. The first thing I noticed was a big pile of real oranges on the floor. It’s a piece by Roelof Louw called “Pyramid (Soul City).” I read the sign. It said that the sculpture starts off as a pile of 6,000 oranges. The artist intended to have each viewer take an orange to see how the sculpture shifted over time. Anticipating my next question, the sign reiterated in bold writing: We encourage you to take an orange to eat outside. So I walked up to the display and, examining the fruit as I would produce at a grocery store, I plucked a ripe orange. As soon as I had straightened up, I made incidental eye contact with an older, matronly woman who had just entered the room from the opposite side. She gave me the sternest look, as if I had just been caught spray-painting her silver Bentley. I was Eve, fallen from grace after picking the forbidden fruit. I knew exactly what she was thinking, shrugged, and moved on. When I glanced back, three other people followed my lead and grabbed oranges.

I walked into the 1960s room, holding the orange up to my nose to inhale the fresh smell of the rind. The room was quiet except for the sound of my footsteps; the experience became personal, visceral. As I walked into the Francis Bacon room, I realized I was alone with my orange in hand. I remember saying this aloud: “I am just so happy to be here.” I have thought this statement several times in the past couple of weeks (the first time was at the Getty Center, when I raced up the steps to look at the gardens and take in Meier’s white structures glowing in the California sunshine). I spent more time wandering through the hallways, reading placards, and sitting in rooms looking at paintings from different eras. The museum closed at 17:50, so I exited the building and joined the crowds heading towards Pimlico Station.

Arsenal had an away match against Aston Villa that evening, and my preliminary plan involved watching the game at a pub near Emirates. I went home first to lighten my load. The night before, I had posted to a soccer message board to get a list of recommended pubs for watching the game in the company of other Arsenal supporters. I checked the board to see if there were any final words of advice. A local informed me that the game would not be televised in the UK, and suggested I go to Emirates Stadium instead to watch the FA Youth Cup semi-final against Manchester United. Tickets would still be available; they expected a crowd of 20,000.

I had my coat on in six seconds and was out the door. The game had a 7 PM kick-off, and the Arsenal stop on the Tube required one transfer. It was already 6:30 and I still needed a ticket. I raced past the crowds on Oxford Street (Londoners are no match for New Yorkers when it comes to speed walking) but came to a slamming halt into the person in front of me at the corner of Regent Street. A yellow light flashed in the Underground’s entrance, and nobody was allowed to move past. I waited impatiently for five minutes, and when nothing happened, I turned on my heels and raced towards Tottenham Court station.

Once I secured a spot on the Piccadilly train, I had a moment to catch my breath. I noticed a boy, aged eight or nine, with big brown eyes framed with long eyelashes looking at me from across the aisle. He had a burgundy Arsenal Youth scarf tied expertly around his neck; he held a pen in his right hand and what must’ve been an autograph book covered with hearts in the other. His dutiful father stood next to him on the train; it is likely he rushed home from work to take his son to the game. The boy looked to be of African-Caucasian descent, based on his father’s darker skin tone. His delicate features resembled those of Theo Walcott. He was beautiful. Father and son did not speak, but an air of warmth and closeness emanated from them. I could tell by the father’s body language that he was keeping an eye out for his son. When a couple of fat, hooligan-wannabe teenagers in track suits boarded the train smelling of fast food and cigarettes, the father shifted his position so that his body blocked these eyesores from his son’s view. I remembered The Thinking Fan’s Guide to the World Cup mentioning that many young boys around the world have their first football awakening when they are eight or nine. I felt lucky to catch just a glimpse of that development, with a father introducing his son to a great tradition.

“Next stop, Arsenal,” announced the automated train message. Everyone piled out, and we began the climb through the tunnels of the station. I began to worry. The hooligan-wannabe types with bad haircuts were everywhere. I noticed the father and son were almost out of sight. How did that boy move so quickly? Did they hurry because we had missed kick-off, or because it was unsafe? Among the Thugs was still fresh in my mind, and visions of steel pipes and chants of “Wogs out!” filled my head. I had also read in the papers that there were several stabbings and violence following the Chelsea-Tottenham game on Sunday. I picked up the pace until the father and son came back into view.

Soon the crowd grew, and I realized I had nothing to worry about. People just wanted to watch the game. As I crossed a bridge, Emirates Stadium came into view. I heard the roar of the crowd, reacting to what was happening on the pitch. I, too, was eager to get inside. I found the box office, bought a ticket for ten quid, and walked through the turnstiles.

Seating was unreserved, but most of the lower sections were full. I went up another level and found a seat. I couldn’t believe I was there. During the interval, I walked briskly to the lower level. I had spotted some seats very close to the pitch, and I was determined to make one mine.

I found a fantastic seat about six rows from the pitch. In any other circumstance, I would never, ever get a seat this good. The action resumed. The chants and songs began. A group across the stadium started the Wave. People participated with gusto. It was the longest-running Wave I had ever witnessed; it made the US-Mexico Wave seem like child's play. Each time the next ripple approached, the crowd stamped their feet, creating a thunderous rumble. Then we stood up, shouted, and sat down again.

The energy was incredible. There’s nothing quite like seeing a match live. Television deceives; you cannot grasp the speed, dexterity, and violence with which players move on the pitch. The two men behind me analyzed the moves of #9 and #4 and went through a brief history of the Arsenal youth team. The father and sons to my left started to chant “Arsenal! Arsenal!” The dad stood up and yelled, “Come on, boys!” It might as well have been Henry and team out on the pitch from the way the crowd cheered.

Over 38,000 people attended the match, a record attendance for a Youth game. I joined in the chanting of “Arsenal! Arsenal!” and then…goooooool! Everyone was on his feet cheering and clapping. I was so close to the pitch that I could see clearly the features of each player. I realized, at that moment, that I was starving. So I peeled the orange from “Pyramid (Soul City)” and consumed it rapidly. Arsenal beat Manchester United 1-0. I had never tasted fruit so sweet and delicious.

To be continued...

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

London Fields

This morning I met two Germans in a Soho café. I was sipping my latte, minding my own business in an efficient New York manner, and figuring out the day’s plan when the man interrupted: "That is a very small mobile." It’s true. I have the world’s smallest mobile (I will post a photograph when I get home). Think of that SNL skit in which Will Ferrell snootily opens up a microscopic mobile. The device has inspired anger, surprise, and curiosity during my brief trip.

We began chatting about London and New York. Within minutes I knew the intimate details of this man’s life (number of sexual partners he’s had in the past four years, which clubs he frequents in New York, and his views on global warming and internet dating). His blonde companion was pleasant; she kept the details of her life private (much to my relief). She is a fashion student. They are both from Berlin, but recommended I visit southern Germany. We paid the bill, kissed our good-byes, and uttered farewells, with the intention of magically bumping into each other one day. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I made sure to walk in the opposite direction.

I’ve been blessed with the weather. Each day has been beautiful. On Monday, I met Dave on Carnaby Street. We went shopping. I dragged him into a football shop called "Soccer Scene"; then I looked at some trainers in the store next door. He took me to Muji, the cool Japanese home/design/clothing store. I bought nail clippers. Lots of nail clippers. They supposedly have the best nail clippers around; you barely need to apply any pressure at all.

I was jetlagged and fading fast. We stopped at a cafe for coffee. It was just some random corner cafe, but Europeans know how to do certain things right (Urth Café on Melrose in West Hollywood, though, serves one of the best coffees around; this claim is backed by a renowned Swedish photographer). They heat the saucer and the cup and serve it with a bitter chocolate. The experience is so simple and pleasurablethe kind that is truly appreciated only when it is novel or taken away.

Each day is devoted to art, food, and football. We took the Tube to Old Street in the East End and found Hoxton Square, an area (along with Shoreditch) known for its arts scene (the Young British Artist scene grew up around here and the pubs on Rivington). We wanted to go to the White Cube Gallery, but we didn’t read the fine print: White Cube is closed on Mondays. So we sat in the courtyard along with other leisurely folks who were enjoying a late lunch, drinking a beer, reading, or chatting in the park.

It started to get chilly, so we decided to head towards the financial district and the Gherkin. We wandered down narrow streets and found ourselves looking into glass windows that held the most amazing contents: art galleries, futuristic design factories, gaming places with robots and flat screens, people dressed in crisp-collared shirts. We entered a spacious art gallery with a rustic wooden floor and airy skylights. The red velvet couch in the back invited me to rest my legs, and I did not resist.

We made it back to Liverpool Street and tried to find Rough Trade and some other stores, but the Covent Garden area can be confusing with its winding roads and tiny passageways. So we headed west for our separate dinner appointments. I went into Waterstone’s to inquire about Brilliant Orange. Of course they were out of stock. I snapped my fingers. We separated on Oxford Street and made plans for a pub gathering later that evening.

Kris and I met at Busaba Eathai, my beloved Thai restaurant on Wardour Street of which I waxed poetically after my last visit. The mango lassi was not as magical, but there was no queue and the food was good. Dave and I met up on Oxford Street and took the Tube to Notting Hill for a drink at the Gate with other friends. I could only take one beer; my low alcohol tolerance and encroaching jetlag became pronounced with every syllable uttered, every movement made. I took the Tube back home and fell fast asleep.

The next morning, I woke up at 8 AM. We met at the Waterloo station just south of the Thames. The big plan for Tuesday? Eat well and decide what to do next. It’s my kind of plan.

We went to Borough Market to have breakfast at Roast on the first (2nd for Americans) floor. We had to use their quick breakfast service, but we dined in the bar area overlooking the colorful market. I had a field mushroom and egg "butty"; Dave had something with a lot of sausages covered in a mysterious sauce. We passed Vinopolis (yes, the City of Wine), stopped at a cathedral, and then walked east along the Thames.

The Tate Modern, that bastion of industrial architecture, loomed to the left, advertising the Gilbert & George exhibit. "I just want to go in really quickly to see the slides," I said. Dave had already visited the Tate on Saturday, but only got to ride the 2nd floor Carsten Holler slide. He had arrived at 8:45 AM (the Tate opens at 9 AM) and all the time slots for the day were filled. Since it was a Tuesday, we soon discovered that there was no queue. So we rushed to the ticket booth, snagged two tickets for the 11:30 slot, and raced to the 5th floor.

Even if you are not scared of heights, let me tell you: This slide experience is intimidating. They even had helmets and elbow pads available! Adrenaline pumped as I jumped up and down, excited and nervous. The museum had been relatively quietno screams from the riders. I was to change all of this.

The experience reminded me of a water park slide. It’s exhilarating. You wait your turn, anticipation mounting. The Tate gives you a canvas sack into which you slip your feet. You sit on the remaining portion as you enter the metal tube. When the video screen to the operator’s right shows the previous participant has successfully cleared the landing mat, you get the green light. You are instructed to cross your arms and lie flat. Then, you pull your weight forward by grabbing the metal bar above the tube and let gravity take over.

I screamed. I screamed loudly. The bumps on the tube knocked my chest cavity in methodical intervals, creating an ai-ya-ya-ya-ya! cowboys-and-Indians war cry sound. My shirt began to creep up, so I used one hand to hold it down as I screamed and laughed, winding and sliding down the passageway. I saw camera flashes go off through the translucent covering. I was afraid I would hit my head against the top of the slide. And then, suddenly, I was thrust out into the great wide open and landed on the soft, blue mat. A small audience smiled at me. I laughed and smiled back. It was a rebirth.

There are three landing pods for the slides from the 2nd, 3rd, and 5th floors. When I emerged from the middle tube, Dave was waiting below. He said I had created quite a scene. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, "let’s get another ticket!" So we rode the 3rd floor slide and then the 5th floor slide. If I lived near the Tate, I would start every day with a quick ride to awaken the senses. People talk about how the slides are bad for art, but these same people would be a lot less uptight if they took the plunge.

Afterwards, we walked along the river towards the London Eye. The view was nice, but anticlimactic after the slides. We walked across the bridge and noticed a huge white banner propped up by a crane. It said, "Tony [heart] WMD." A present from Greenpeace.

We walked past Trafalgar Square and stopped for a coffee, and then parted ways. His time in London had come to a close. I wandered on to Covent Garden and found Rough Trade again; I flipped through some records and looked at the top sellers from 2006. I also found a great sock shop. Then I went home, changed, and took the Tube to London Bridge, where I met a different set of friends for dinner. We went to a Malaysian restaurant and then had a drink at a pub.

A lot more happened. But it is late. I hear singing coming from the flat downstairs. When we got home tonight, I glimpsed a group of 8 sitting round a dinner table in that flat talking, laughing, and drinking wine. They are having a fine time, and so am I. Good night.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Roger & Me

Roger signed my copy of Tennis magazine (love the Roddick headline)

Too much to tell and not enough time between trips. Good-bye Los Angeles and New York.

HELLO London!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Roger that

Advantage, Federer

The Sunday Times channeled my thoughts and preoccupations with two stories:

I’m flying west tomorrow, escaping this bit of freezing, erratic weather. Yes, I’ve sacrificed watching key Champions League matches (Arsenal-PSV and Chelsea-Porto) in London. Instead, Ive opted for delayed gratification: after Los Angeles I head to the Old World for tea, scones, and Indian food. And let’s not forget the slides at the Tate (we’re not talking PowerPoint here) by Carsten Höller!

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Friday, March 02, 2007

The 2010 Fund™

What are you doing June 11, 2010?

The world’s axis will shift ever so slightly in 2010, when 32 national teams and hordes of fans rush to the southern hemisphere for the World Cup, the first to be held on African soil. Last night, a friend and I got into a technical chat. The abridged conversation with FF, meaning “Football Friend,” went like this:

--> FF: So tickets for this June from JFK to Johannesburg run about $1,500, but they have been as low as about $1,000 (I should start putting $40 or $50 a month in a piggy bank to specially fund this).
--> me:
The 2010 World Cup Fund. It’s not a bad idea. How much a month would we have to put away to save in time for ticket purchase?
--> FF:
Say we purchase a year in advance, so summer of ’09. We need, say, $1,500 for airfare, another $1,000 for lodging, and another $1,000 for tix? So that's $3,500.
--> me:
Right, and if we can get a CD rate with an APY of 5.0+%...
--> FF:
And it’s March ‘07, so we have 2 years and 3 months: 27 months. We need to put a little more than $100 a month, like $125 a month.
--> me:
This is a smart idea, actually. I’m not kidding. Let me look up some rates. Bankrate.com might have some.
--> FF: C1 is at 4.90% right now.
--> me:
That’s a good rate. There are some tax-free bonds, too, so technically you’re getting above and beyond a CD rate. What about e*trade? No minimums. 5.05% APY and a $1 initial deposit.
--> FF:
Let me do the math. $125 will get us exactly $3,500 in June ’09. We’ll still have another year. If I read the fine print correctly, and that interest is indeed accrued daily and the rate stays at 5.05%, we will have $5,308.13 by May 2010.

We’ve both opened accounts, and the countdown begins. If you’re smart, you’ll start saving, too. Tell your investment broker that you’d like to invest in the 2010 Fund™ today. Don’t delay.

As I was researching South Africa for 2010, I came across historical World Cup logos and fliers. World Cup fliers have been around since the tournament's inception in 1930. England introduced the first World Cup mascot, World Cup Willie, in 1966.

England hath given us hooligans, World Cup Willie, and Phil Collins

Logos as distinct entities began with the 1974 tournament held in West Germany. Compare the new South African emblem to those from years past, and pick your favourite.

Uruguay, 1930. Champion: Uruguay

Italy, 1934. Champion: Italia

France, 1938. Champion: Italia

Brazil, 1950. Champion: Uruguay

Switzerland, 1954. Champion: West Germany

Sweden, 1958. Champion: Brazil

Chile, 1962. Champion: Brazil

England, 1966. Champion: England

Mexico, 1970. Champion: Brazil

West Germany, 1974. Champion: West Germany

Argentina, 1978. Champion: Argentina

Spain, 1982. Champion: Italia

Mexico, 1986. Champion: Argentina

Italy, 1990. Champion: West Germany

USA, 1994. Champion: Brazil

France, 1998. Champion: France

Korea/Japan, 2002. Champion: Brazil

Germany, 2006. Champion: Italia

World Cup design took a nosedive starting in 1970. Shortly thereafter, the streamlined German emblem of 1974 set a trend towards minimalism, which only lifted in 2002. I happen to like Germany’s 2006 cheerful logo, even though some top German designers like Erik Spiekermann were embarrassed by the emblem, calling it the mediocre result of “design by committee.”

Unlike the logos of Apple or Nike, the World Cup emblem changes every four years and reveals the spirit of the host nation. So it doesn’t have to cling so rigidly to elements of distinction, visibility, and timelessness. I like that the old posters before 1970 look like they belong to a different era. My favourites? Chile and Switzerland.

But I agree with the critics about the 2006 mascot, Goleo. This lion (why a lion?), for whatever reason, wears a football jersey and cleats, but opts out of trousers. Perhaps too many German men followed the example literally, fueling the World Cup baby boom that is bearing fruit right about now.

Goleo need not fear the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy

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