Ensuing Hijinks: a little bit of knowledge will destroy you

Another camera for lazy people

Smile. Resistance is futile.

Sony, not to be outdone by HP's slimming effect camera, last year launched its Smile Shutter™ technology, a feature that automatically captures a smile without your having to even press the shutter!

Such technology creates a new class of digital camera vampires: folks whose dour images resist capture. Now Sony has teamed up with Reuters (great for journalistic integrity, eh?) in the "Everyday Smiles" contest, in which winning photographs will be displayed—larger than life—in Times Square.

At least this way you'll have a good look at whom to slap should you ever run into these folks in real life.

Labels: tech

The camera now adds only 3 pounds
(but you are still responsible for the other 268)

I thought it was a joke when I first read about this on Consumerist, but nay: HP is betting that enough XXL Americans will place their hopes on another quick-fix solution. Introducing the “Slimming Photos” effect on select HP digital cameras. Just look at how effective it is.

Do they really look better? Between the green jumper and khaki pants, it’s a tough call.

And forget about the photos, what about real-life impressions? Family, friends, and potential paramours will think, “Gosh, Jenny has really slimmed down. She looks good [even though she should ditch that green jumper].” And then she’ll meet up with them for coffee in all her Rubenesque glory and barely register that micro-second look of disappointment on their faces; but it will linger, unidentified, in the back of her mind until she goes home feeling a heavy sadness, for which she is unable to identify the source until it eats away at her late into the night, driving her to gorge on crisps and sugary carbs stashed behind those cans of white albacore tuna and Campbell’s soup, putting her right back into the dilemma for which she originally came to purchase this “slimming effects” camera from HP. Wouldn’t it be wiser and more cost-effective to just eat healthily whilst getting a bit of exercise? Or, just use Photoshop.

I tried the slimming effect for our Chinese Gen XXL friend featured recently in The Guardian:

Before “slimming effect”

After “slimming effect”

I’m afraid he’d better dust off those dancing shoes.

Labels: tech

On the street where you live

Google Maps has a new feature: street view. Limited to a few cities right now, street view uses actual photographs of the streets themselves. Looking in my neighborhood, I zoomed up to my roommate’s car.

You can zoom in and get 360-degree views

Once again, Google pushes the bounds of privacy through technology, redefining the balance between cool and creepy.

Now that zooming into a neighborhood via satellite is old hat, you may find yourself an unwitting Internet celebrity if you time it right with the Google Photo Vehicle. Take this guy, for instance:

Smile, you're on Google Maps street view

Picture it: a nice, sunny day on Larkin Street in San Francisco. Mr. Tony Soprano Wannabe steps into the California sunshine after leaving the New Century Theater and adjusts one of his many rings. A car passes by with darkened windows. He glances up, wearing a smug look. Is this a prime example of being in the right place at the right time?

Unfortunately, the New Century Theater is a strip club (zoom in and have a look).

The sign promises bachelor birthday parties and divorce celebrations!

And that car belongs to Google, the Candid Camera for modern times.

Labels: tech

Super Mario Bros. Beta Testing

In a nondescript Williamsburg warehouse Wednesday night, I put on a moustache and strapped on a harness attached to bungee cords that lifted me into the aurulent light. It was Nintendo Amusement Park beta testing night, and I had signed away my life on a dubious waiver form.

A team of Interactive Telecommunications (parse that) geeks/artists have constructed a Physically Augmented Reality, leveraging mechanical technology to give a player super powers in a three-dimensional obstacle course. See sketches for information on the haptic winch and other details.

Still in rudimentary design, the N.A.P. had no shortage of volunteers willing to chase that fleeting moment of zero gravity or the satisfying crunch of smashing a Goomba. The team set up three different games:

The Box: maximize vertical jumps to hit the box and get the mushroom
Bob-omb: avoid the Bob-omb by using lateral/spinning motion
Goomba: smash the bloody Goomba!

I played all three games (very few played #3 because it had to be reinflated with a high-tech desk fan). Let’s just say it’s harder than it looks: ten minutes in that harness is tougher than an hour at the gym. A course like this would greatly benefit Generation XXL (they should put that in their proposal). I had gotten so good at the Bob-omb game that it went on for an eternity—perhaps fifteen minutes. Everyone kept the game going, thinking I was having a blast. I came close to vomiting. Wired chose that moment to interview me: a panting, sweaty, disgusting, and exhilarated mess.

I wanted back on five minutes later. It ranks as my favorite night of 2006.

Cross bar mechanically adjusts for each player's height.